Greetings Gentle Readers,
Sorry for the prolonged absence, but the release (which actually still hasn’t gone out yet!!! AUGH!!) went down to the wire. I did my final turnover at 5:00 on Wednesday the 15th and then my husband and I left for a cruise at 5 AM the next morning. So I had very limited internet access from the 16th to the 24th. We had a lovely, relaxing time, but it’s been difficult going since we got home. I have been doing some intensive work around being present in my body (which it turns out is NOT a favorite activity of mine) and there is a tremendous amount of shame coming up as well as some very young memories being triggered. I hope to do some writing about it soon. In the meantime, it feels like I kind of just put everything on hold while I was away, but now that I’ve returned home I am feeling quite flooded. There’s a lot of shame and anxiety floating around and I have been feeling incredibly weepy but it’s not really connected with anything. On top of that, things have very much improved and settled down with the crises we’ve been dealing with and it feels like I may be collapsing now that I know it’s over, and I can. Which is the long way of saying that I am struggling with feeling very fragile, overwhelmed and ashamed.
It’s also not helping that I am MASSIVELY behind in answering both correspondence and comments here on the blog. I truly appreciate everyone’s patience. I feel like I just keep saying this over and over and then not getting anything done. I haven’t forgotten anyone, I am just really struggling with a lack of resources right now (and of course, I am feeling shame over that because, you know, if I wasn’t so lazy and pathetic, obviously I wouldn’t be behind. Honestly, it just feels like there is NO reason for me to be having such a hard time, so something must be wrong with me. Right? These feelings are SO crazy-making because I *know* they’re old messages coming from within me, and that they’re not true, but they FEEL. SO. STRONG! BN spent our whole last session telling me I’m not too much, despite my feeling so strongly that I am. )
So… I’m back to work tomorrow and while I do have some odds and ends still to do on the release, I will not be working OT. I read Dr. Jeffrey Smith’s new book, How We Heal and Grow: The Power of Facing Your Feelings while on vacation and am hoping to have a review up in the next day or so, (short version: BUY IT!), then I will start digging into correspondence. And at some point, I’ll actually start blogging again…
(Ann, this is the response to your last comment. :) Thanks for asking!)
